Good Afternoon Team Zachary,

Medical Update:

It has been almost a week since Zachary finished his last chemo. As warned, he has suffered some side effects with his motor skills. You know the roadside sobriety test where you hold out your hands and touch your nose?? He can't do that. He has trouble standing and his vision is blurred. These side effects are slowly improving and the doctors think they are caused either by the chemo drugs or the medication he is on for his seizures. They will eventually wear off.

Zachary's mission right now is to eat, move (and everything counts!) and spend time with Dara. His spirits remain positive as he sings and laughs and teases when he is awake.

The answer to the question of how Zachary is doing is not an easy one to answer. If I knew, I would tell you but I simply do not know. I have learned from Dr. Vose to stick with the facts at the moment and not to speculate future outcomes. Given that, Zachary will not be home before his stem cell transplant. In a 24 hour period of time his fever was off the charts they have on the wall in BOTH directions. He gets better in tiny little increments and then there is a big jump like there was today.

Today he is sitting up in his bed, walking down the hall with a walker and assistance, eating, cracking jokes and given the situation, enjoying himself. Go figure!

Michael, Sue and I are leaving in the next couple of days to go home. His mother and perhaps her partner will be here. I will return on Friday the 8th for his next appointment with Dr. Vose. I do not expect that there will be huge changes in his situation. Next Friday when we meet with Dr. Vose will be the next time where his total situation is assessed and options discussed. I will keep you informed.

The fact is that we just don't know how the next couple of months will unfold.

Journal Entry:

January 29, 2008

"God's will be done."

I have a better idea. Let's go with 'Ann's will being done.'

Yeah. That's better.

I am getting a glimpse of God's plan. I'm sure I'm not diggin' all of God's plan.

I mean, the whole oceans and stars and rain forests, deserts and the fact that the human body can actually repair itself, and that some animals have the capacity for love and some don't, and the whole flowers and bees and vegetables growing and that it can be in perfect balance. And the concept of perennial flowers, how cool is that? And lilacs---what a smell! I love that smell!! And red tulips….can't really imagine a world without them. And the ocean. I mentioned that already but holy cow!! That life lives in the ocean and the fact that some bodies of water are fresh and some salt. How in the world did that happen?? And that we have the capacity to learn. That we can take a situation and not keep repeating it like a scene from the movie Groundhog Day. But free will?? Come on, I'm not so sure we we're advanced enough for that. And minerals?? Wow. You can just dig them out of the dirt! And rain. And clouds. And kissing….now that's a nice gift.

Ok and perhaps I wouldn't have thought to put a twinkle in some people's eyes. Humor??? Another good idea! How about eye lashes—not only can we 'bat our eyes' but our lashes come in handy for keeping our eyes 'clean.'

Oh, and another thing! I wanna KNOW. I wanna know why things happen. I wanna know why MY kid who is so charming and wonderful and kind and smart and would be a good dad if given the chance, why is HE sick. And then people who, from my perspective, are just taking up air and being really nasty while they do nothing live well into there 80's. What's up with that?? I wanna know. I want some answers. And for the record, I wanted the answer yesterday or the day before that.

OK, so there is the whole Mr. Mendez thing on the way out to Omaha this time where Sue and I pooled our cash to buy Sue her way on the sold out flight and it worked! (Mr. Mendez was the kind soul who stayed behind for us.)

I thought it was about Zachary and that night Sue and I went to dinner which I wouldn't have done without her being in Omaha and we ended up saving a woman's life who we found on the street in 8 degree weather on the way back from dinner but come on.

Maybe that was just a coincidence. Yeah! And the fact that Mr. Mendez will never know his part in saving her…how much goes on that we misinterpreted. (I mean OTHER people not me of course!)

OK. So maybe I'm not really qualified for the job as Over All Universe Director. It's probably best that Ann's will NOT be the one the universe is hinged on. All right, for SURE it's a good idea………..but I'm still not diggin' God's entire plan.

I’ll keep you posted.

Love to all,

Ann