Dear Team Zachary,

Zachary and Dara leave for Omaha Monday (today) where he will under go another round of chemo and be tested to see if the tumors are even responding to the chemo. I will go on Tuesday to be present for his meeting with Dr. Vose who will tell us after looking at all the tests where we are in the process and if we can go to the next stem cell procedure.

They have found a stem cell donor who is a perfect 10 out of 10 match for Zachary.

Some of us have experienced receiving this match like being given the Hope Diamond in a box filled with tarantulas.

This procedure is VERY risky. Ten percent die in the first week. It is also true that without the procedure he will die soon.

Zugzwang is a term used in chess when it is a player's turn to move and none of the options on the board are good options. Like chess, life seems to not give us the possibility of saying, 'Pass...really, let someone else have my turn.'

Zugzwang....that's how I would describe where we are right now.

'How are you Ann?' is a question that I find more difficult to answer. For starters I must be an advanced life form or something because I can experience all 5 stages of grief in one moment!! I find that I am staying closer to home and only going out with dear friends and family.

I have been humbled that anyone reads these letters I write.

What I am finding is that, when the Team Zachary letters do strike a cord with someone it is because Zachary's story is one that most people can relate to. I have had the opportunity to hear so many of your stories because I have been willing to share mine. I want you to know is that sometimes I go down the list of people I send this to and my heart is so filled with love. I hold you dear in my heart. I have found that in doing so, my heart has expanded its capacity to love and be loved. I figure the price will be the same that I pay so why not get something really, really extraordinary out of this experience!

So dear loved ones, I will leave you with what goes through my mind and in a tiny way share with you the answer to 'how am I doing?' It continues to be my experience that living in my sphere of influence will help keep my sanity. What follows is something that I have said since I was a child. I guess it got hardwired into me:

'Go forth into the world in peace. Always be of good courage. Hold fast to that which is good. Render no one evil for evil. Strengthen the faint hearted. Support the weak. Help the afflicted. Honor everyone. Love and serve the One who sustains us all.....'

Chat when I return.

Love,

Ann