Dear Team Zachary,

I used to think that love songs were written for lovers but I'm starting to think that some were written by parents for their children. Jane and I work out to this Motown song every week and all of a sudden I think of it differently:

Like an eagle protects its nest
For you I'll do my best.

Stand by you like a tree.
Dare anyone to try and move me.

Darlin' in you I've found strength when I was thrown down.
Don't know what's in store.......

Holy Cow...where to start......

Zachary and Dara are back home now and will remain so probably until right after Christmas. His job is to get stronger and healthier so he can go back and have more chemo. (In case you are wondering, the strangeness of this plan is not lost on me. But hey, I narrate the story, I don't write the story!) Given the frailty of his health this is a very tall order.

To have a second stem cell transplant a number of things have to happen. First, his numerous very large tumors have to shrink quite a bit. This will be done with chemo over the next several months with trips to and from Omaha every three(ish) weeks or so. This is a very liquid plan. He will also be going to Bloomington Hospital most days to either receive platelets or blood.

The second thing that needs to occur is that we need to find a stem cell donor for him that is a perfect match. This is like finding a needle in a haystack. His 3 siblings were tested and very unfortunately were not a match. He is now on the national waiting list for stem cells. Before you ask, NO, you cannot be a donor to Zachary. You may be tested but it would go into the national data base. This might help someone some day but probably not Zachary. This being the major component of the plan we really need this to work--the sooner the better. It could take up to 4 months.

During that time they will be playing a very delicate game of keeping his tumors under control without giving him too much chemo.

If either the tumors or chemo are significantly out of whack, the game could well be over.

I am often asked WHAT CAN I DO to help??

Here's what I would ask you to do: if you see Zachary please say the following: I am so glad to see you!! Practice saying this. I am so glad to see you!!! And here's what I'll ask you NOT to do: look at him sadly and ask 'how do you feel?' with a voice full of pity. I can tell you he does not feel well; asking does NOT help him.

The one thing that I have learned through this whole thing is that little gestures of kindness do not go unnoticed. We were in the hospital room and decided to put up lights in Zachary's room. Since we were in a hospital we were told we could not use anything with a plug so the social worker found us a string of battery operated lights.

The first day I was at the medical center I was standing in the lobby crying; a man put his broom down and literally walked me through the maze to exactly where I was to be.

There was the young man at the hotel who left his post to get us back to the hospital in their van when all of the sudden we needed to get back NOW and there were no taxis because of a big event downtown.

There was Dr. Vose who held Zachary's hand and just sat there with apparently nothing else to do until he calmed down.

It's the season. It really is. Be kind. Slow down and take note of the tiny wonders all around. It is an unbelievably beautiful world we live in.

This is probably the last communication of the year from me. I want to thank you for showing us such amazing love. All of you. YOU. If you are reading this, you keep Zachary in your heart. That's the best thing you can do for anyone.

Xoxox,

Ann